


a breath in the wind (a name on my skin)

by technicolouredmonochrome



Series: and life is but a stitch on my wrist (never to wipe away) [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 15:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicolouredmonochrome/pseuds/technicolouredmonochrome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing about Gavin is that he’s about 90% sure he’s into girls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a breath in the wind (a name on my skin)

**Author's Note:**

> A Soulmate AU where your soulmate's name is stitched on your wrist. When you are born, all there is is a small black dot, but as the years go by the dot morphs into letters (the first appearing when you are 21 years old), and every year, either another letter appears or an existing letter becomes clearer and starts to really take shape.
> 
> Hope you guys like it! As always, all mistakes belong to me.

The thing about Gavin is that he’s about 90% sure he’s into girls.

When he turned 13 and the hormones started raging and there were just _girls_ everywhere, with long flowing hair and pretty pretty eyes, he figured, _yeah, yeah I like girls_. He even kissed a couple of them to be sure, and although the dot on his wrist never fully forms into a name this entire time, he doesn’t mind, because at least he figures out that he likes girls and that their perfumes and tight clothes _do_ turn him on, so he _definitely_ likes girls.

Well, he’s 90% sure at least.

(At least the dot on his wrist tells him that there’s someone out there waiting for him, someone that will be his, and will hold Gavin and say he’s theirs too. One day.)

He doesn’t sleep around, but he does gain his fair share of experience in the years leading up to his 21st birthday, when the neat black dot on his wrist becomes a letter, smudged, unclear, and then the letters start appearing although they will never fully form unless he kisses his soulmate, or he waits until he’s 40. (Not that he minds, it’s just a little too old.)

 

10 days later the dot has morphed into a faint but recognisable ‘M’ on his wrist.

 

Gavin immediately searches for every name with the letter ‘M’ in it: Mary, Melinda, Monica, Melissa. He starts hanging out with girls with the letter ‘M’ in their names, stealing kisses under the moonlight, with the sweet buzz of alcohol on his tongue. But every time, _every single time_ , he flips his wrist and all he can see is the dark smudge of the letter ‘M’, so he pulls away and goes home.

(The worst thing about this whole business is that he _knows_ that person is someone he’d meet in his life, will come across and be friends with and fall in love with. When they touch, sparks will fly, and their eyes will meet and Gavin will know that _this is the one_. But with every girl he kisses that laughs afterward, head thrown back and hair wild in the evening wind, his heart sinks lower and lower into his chest. Every evening that he trudges home, head bowed and feet dragging up the stairs, his mother reminds him that he’s still so young, and that he has so much time. “Take it easy sweetheart,” she’d call from the kitchen. “You’ll meet your soulmate one day.”)

 

The year comes and goes and before he knows it, it’s his 22nd birthday. He gets another gift, a faint ‘C’ a short distance away from the ‘M’ on the underside of his wrist. He looks it up again, but the names have become so few and far in-between that he doubts he’s going to find her in England. Which means more waiting (and Gavin has never been the patient kind).

When a new family moves into the house next door and he learns that their daughter’s name is Michelle, his heart stops. He meets her one afternoon, walking home from the supermarket he works at and notices the ‘G’ that is etched in her wrist. He stops her and shows her his wrist, gently picking up her hand to look at the letter on hers.

Sparks don’t fly between them, but Gavin figures that sometimes, situations have exceptions.

He wants to kiss her, here, now, under the tree on their front lawn and see if there are fireworks behind his eyelids. She gives him a puzzled look and laughs when he suggests that.

“I’m not going to make out with you just because you _think_ we might be soulmates.”

So she wants to do the whole dating thing? Fine, Gavin can do the whole dating thing. So they sit under golden trees in the autumn, talking about anything and everything under the sun. The link hands under the warmth of Gavin’s blanket, her head resting against his shoulder, and she smells like a cinnamon latte (he tells her so, and she says that’s the nicest compliment anyone has ever given her in the driest voice possible) as bright red strands of her hair tickle his nose.

And they fight. A lot. She screams at him when he turns his head to look at other girls, girls with the letter ‘G’ etched in neat script on the underside of their wrists. He gets more and more impatient with every day that she refuses to kiss him, because he wants to know, _needs_ to know if she is the one.

Despite everything, Gavin grows to love her, with her adorable laugh and perfect smile and bright, bright blue eyes, the way she laughs when he makes a fool of himself, and the feel of her hand in his. (He thinks that even if he never finds his soulmate, he can live with her, because she is perfect.)

One day, when she sits next to him under their favourite tree, she links her fingers with his and doesn’t lean against him. “Gavin,” she whispers softly, as though trying out his name, and he offers her a dopy grin in response. When she looks at him however, there is guilt in her eyes and a small part of Gavin immediately breaks at the sight, while the larger part of Gavin (the cowardly part) wants to run and hide. “I’m so, so sorry.”

And when he lifts her wrist he sees a full name in perfect, neat black script, _Gabriel_ , and he immediately pulls away because he feels betrayed and angry but also relieved and happy for her and he doesn’t know what to do with all these emotions. So he runs (like he does with everything else), and locks himself in his room for days and lies prone on his bed because although she wasn’t the one, he doesn’t think he’s going to ever find his soulmate.

(He never even got the chance to kiss her.)

Only when Dan comes climbing in through his window does he finally move from his place on his bed, and he curls up in his best friend’s arm and cries because he doesn’t know what to think or feel or do. Dan just keeps quietly shushing him as he strokes his hair.

When he’s done with the tears, Dan punches him lightly in the arm and tells him that “That was the gayest thing I’ve ever had to do, and we call each other ‘B’ all the bloody time.” Gavin blinks at him, and then punches him right back.

“Let’s go set your grandparent’s house on fire,” he says instead, and moves to grab his camera and climb out the window with Dan. (He pushes down the feelings and the possibilities when Dan says “gay” because right now, he’s still 90% sure he’s into girls, and he resolutely ignores the other 10% that isn’t sure.)

 

His 23rd birthday comes by and he gets another present. The letter ‘L’ is sketched on his wrist three spaces away from the ‘C’.

Looking it up this time doesn’t come back with many results.

What does keep appearing are male names, _Michael_ especially (despite its other female variants, there just _isn’t_ any extra space for more letters on his wrist), and he starts freaking out because _no fucking way_. Gavin is still 90% sure he’s into girls, has even dated one before and fallen in love with her (not _love_ love, just _love_ ); no way his soulmate is going to turn out to be a dude.

So he starts wearing jackets and tugs the sleeve over his wrist. Dan laughs at him because “It’s summer for god’s sake,” but Gavin just offers him wry grins and avoids his prodding. He doesn’t think about it, not anymore, when he meets Geoff Ramsey online and suddenly everyone is working hard to bring him over to Austin Texas. In his spare time he sleeps with any girl that will sleep with him (they are mostly the ones with blank wrists, they always have it the worst off) in hope of convincing whatever powers are controlling their fates that he is _not fucking gay_.

He has never been into boys, and never will be. He is 88% positive of that. (Doesn’t question the drop in numbers when his eyes linger a tad too long on the biceps of the cashier working in the supermarket he works at.)

 

To no one’s surprise, Dan finds his soulmate first. To everyone’s surprise, it’s a bloke.

Dan’s soulmate is a guy named Felix (Felix Adam Thompson) and he has the nicest face ever (in Gavin’s opinion of course, but he is still, resolutely, _not gay_ ). He is lean where Dan is mostly muscle, and almost his height, but fits comfortably under Dan’s arm anyway. He grins at Gavin when he first meets him and Gavin is just staring shell-shocked at the both of them.

(He notices the thin film of white that covers Felix’s eyes, that mutes the deep ochre into something pastel and soft, gives him a faraway, dreamy look every time he turns in the direction of someone’s voice (doesn’t comment on it). Dan holds his hand tightly in his the whole time he introduces him to the family (and Gavin), smile so broad and so bright that it makes his face glow with pure happiness. The grin on Felix’s face matches Dan’s except his eyes are trained on Dan’s face as though he can see the blissfully _exuberant_ expression.)

“I thought you were into girls!” he whispers urgently to Dan as Felix makes his rounds with the parents (their hands firmly leading him around the room).

“Turns out I was wrong,” Dan grins in reply, all happy and goofy at the edges. “Always trust the higher powers b, they never go wrong.”

Gavin wants to ask him a thousand and one questions: How did you know you’re into dudes? How did you figure out it was Felix? How does kissing guys feel like? (Is it difficult? Are you okay? How are you coping with _everything_?)

He doesn’t ask those questions though.

What he does do is grip Felix’s hand when he comes round to Gavin and offers to let him take a look at (“I– I mean feel, like _touch_ – because– yeah”) the camera they work with, carefully leading him outside and setting everything up for him, explaining as he goes along. He takes Felix’s hands and shows him the different parts of the camera, keeps talking to fill in the silence that comes over Felix as he rambles on and on, and starts to wonder if this is a good idea to begin with (because he’s terrible at making good impressions and he wonders if he’s possibly messing it up for Dan too).

“Thank you,” Felix whispers when he finally finishes, a little short of breath and nerves making his hands slick with sweat. Gavin doesn’t know what to say for a moment, takes in the earnestly thankful expression on Felix’s face and forces himself to _breathe_. “I mean, I’d probably never be able to see Dan’s work,” (and there’s a _hint_ of self deprecation right there that Gavin is so familiar with) “So I’m glad someone took the time to explain it all to me. I really appreciate it.”

It’s only when Dan’s hand is a warm weight against his shoulder that Gavin snaps out of his daze and realises that Felix is still waiting for an answer. “Uh,” he says because _what else can he possibly say_? “Uh– No problem.” Dan gives him a grateful smile and he can only offer a shaky one in return. “I just– I gotta go now. I’ll give you two some time alone and all that,” he rushes out and _runs_ (because has he mentioned that that’s all he’s good at doing?) up to Dan’s room where he gets the perfect view of the two of them alone in the backyard.

Felix has his hands on Dan’s face, a soft smile curving his lips that makes Gavin’s breath stutter and catch in his chest, heart thudding loudly because this is a _private_ moment, he really shouldn’t be seeing this. And then Dan leans in and their lips meet and Gavin’s heart stops because he isn’t as repulsed as he thought he’d be. When they continue for a second too long he finally pulls away and slumps to the ground, desperately heaving in air (he didn’t realised he’d been holding his breath), fingers working in the cotton of his pullover.

 _I’m not gay_ , he breathes to himself. _I’m not gay._

He’s still 70% sure that he’s into girls (doesn’t question the drop in percentage). That’s more than half. He’s fine.

 

(When he gets home that night, he lies in his bed and replays that scene from earlier that afternoon behind his closed eyelids, lips meeting lips, the slow slide of their mouths against each other. His chest constricts, something loose inside of him clicking into place, and it hurts.)

( _He’s not gay_.)

(But damn if that wasn’t the hottest thing he’s ever seen.)

( _He’s not fucking gay_.)

 

He doesn’t have time to think about it again because Burnie is calling him up and arranging for him to fly down to Austin (but nothing is working and Gavin is feeling more and more desolate and frustrated with each passing day) and Dan has new ideas for videos so they’re still filming every other day (and Felix is always there and great company too). The days are filled with worry and Dan and Felix and _DanandFelix_. Watching them (the small touches, the secretive smiles) opens a yawning chasm in his chest inside of him, a pang of longing and emptiness that makes him tug his sleeves a little lower on his arm, trace the raised skin of the letters ‘M’ and ‘C’ and ‘L’ again and again and again, sleep with girl after girl even as he sees Dan and Felix kissing behind his eyelids.

(And he feels so _alone_ , even as he waits and worries and sleeps around and watches Dan and Felix. So, so alone without a person that is supposed to be his other half, all the while praying and telling the powers that may be that he needs, _wants_ , to know who his soulmate is, girl or boy or whatever, as long as it fills that ache inside of him.)

One evening, as he’s sitting in front of his computer waiting on people to reply his bloody emails, it suddenly hits him that he’s only 62% sure he’s still into girls. So he opens a new window and cautiously looks up gay porn, finds himself coming harder than he ever has in his life.

He snaps the laptop shut, face immediately blooming bright red as he stares at the pictures of girls on his walls, thoughts a mess and shame creeping out from the bottom of his stomach, bringing with it his entire day’s worth of food. As he stares down at his vomit, gut churning uncomfortably and head reeling, he finds tears slipping down his face and falling into the toilet bowl as he tries to steady his breaths.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

(He’s pretty sure he’s at least still 46% into girls right now.)

 

Thankfully, his dream comes true.

They figure out how to get him to Austin and before he knows it, he’s on the flight there (forces himself to ignore the pretty boy that’s sitting next to him the entire flight, with his head of red hair cut short and trimmed neatly, eyes an intensely dark brown that narrows attractively at the in-flight entertainment). When he touches down, Burnie is there, and he offers him a grin and walks up to the pathetic cardboard sign that says _British ~~Twink~~ Dude _ and offers him a handshake.

“Thanks for picking me up,” he says, excitement already bubbling beneath his skin. “I’m Gavin Free.”

“Burnie Burns,” Burnie says while giving him a once-over. “That’s what they call me though. My real name is Michael Burns.”

That’s the moment when Gavin’s world stops spinning.

Because bloody hell.

Michael ‘Burnie’ Burns.

His wrist is suddenly itching beneath the hoodie he is still wearing and he has to resist the urge to scratch it. Because then Burnie ( _Michael_ ) will ask why. And then Gavin (because although he’s good at running away, there’s no where for him to run to now) will (stupidly) tell him.

_Bloody hell._

But then Burnie grips his hand (and there is a distinct lack of sparks flying between them) and Gavin uses the opportunity to peek at the underside of his wrist.

There already is a name there.

The sudden bout of relief and disappointment collide and causes his world to start spinning on its axis again, making Gavin’s head hurt and his vision swim.

“Hey,” and Burnie is pulling him back, grounding him. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” and Gavin grins, cheerful but slightly bitter at the edges.

Burnie shrugs. “Okay then. Let’s get you to meet Geoff and the Ramseys.”

 

He falls in love with Millie on sight.

She adorable, and the little sister that he’s always wanted. There is a tiny black dot on her wrist, and the first thing Gavin promises himself is that he will never stop until she’s found her soulmate, whoever it may be, and then he’ll give that person a good dressing down before handing her to him (or her, he’s still learning to keep his options open). Thankfully, she takes to him almost immediately too, trailing after him as her parents (Geoff and Griffon, possibly the coolest, and most badass couple ever) show him around the house, before finally bringing him to the room that he’ll be staying in. Millie stands by the doorway the whole time he unpacks, studiously sucking her thumb and watching him with huge unblinking eyes.

He pets the space next to him on his bed and watches as she toddles over to him.

“Want to play a game with me?” he asks as he carries her onto the bed.

She nods.

“Okay sweetheart, I think you’ll like this,” he grins as he brings up Angry Birds on his phone. Her eyes light up, and she gets to work, beating highscore after highscore on each level. Gavin is duly impressed.

When he turns his back to her to continue packing, she pulls out her thumb with a quiet pop and taps him on the shoulder.

“Gavin,” she says, eyes bright and smile huge.

That night is the first night he goes to sleep without the guilt and worry of being (possibly, probably) gay keeping him wide awake for hours.

 

At least he’s still 37% sure he’s into girls.

 

The office is a giant old thing with a lot of people and very little space. He notices Barbara as he walks into the building and gives her a small wave which she returns, cheerfully, and follows Geoff as he brings him into the room he says is meant for “Achievement Hunter”.

“What the bloody hell is that?” Gavin asks as Geoff pushes the door open, revealing a tiny room with two other people furiously staring at their computer screens, headsets over their ears.

Geoff grins, eyes dancing with excitement. “Something Jack and I,” and he gestures to the huge bearded man sitting in the corner of the room, “Decided to start. We’ll play video games and film the footage and post it online for people to watch. That over there is Michael Jones, don’t piss him off and you’ll be fine. Your desk is right by the door. If you need any help settling in, let one of us know yeah?”

But Gavin’s brain is stuck on the _Michael Jones_ bit because his heart is suddenly thumping wildly in his chest and he _can’t breathe_.

“Jack and I will be getting lunch, you need anything?” and Gavin barely manages to shake his head, eyes still fixed on _Michael Jones_ gnawing at his lower lip as he edits his video, heart working a mile a minute as Geoff shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

And suddenly the room is silent because it’s just him and _Michael_ and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

It takes a full minute before Michael turns to look at him.

“Dude you okay?” he asks, pulling his headphones off as he stretches, and Gavin (ever the opportunist), tries to catch a glimpse of the letters on his wrist.

“Uh,” he starts and his voice is barely a squeak that makes Michael look at him funny, one corner of his mouth tilting up in amusement. “Uh no– I mean yes!” he hurriedly amends.

“First day jitters,” he drawls, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

Gavin nods weakly.

“Do you edit videos?” Michael asks as he stands, tugging his jacket downward, (purposely) hiding his wrist. Gavin curses inwardly at the _barely there_ flash of dark smudged letters that action lets him catch a glimpse of. “Cause I have something that needs editing if you don’t mind helping out with it.”

He swallows, and nods. “Yeah. Sure. I don’t mind.”

Michael offers him another grin (and he has _dimples_ , bloody hell) and gestures to his work area. “You can probably work on it here while I head out for lunch. When you’ve got your station set up, I’ll send it over to you.” He’s out the door before Gavin can give an affirmative, or supply a witty remark, or _something_ , because he wants to know Michael and see if he’s the guy whose name is probably on his wrist. He’s left staring as the door swings shut, heart still thudding in his chest, breath still coming out short.

If that is who he is destined to be with, he doesn’t mind.

(And when he’s editing the video, and hearing him scream over the music of the video game and curse and splutter and keyboard smash in general, he finds himself smiling as he pictures deep-set dimples and eyes crinkling with laughter and feels his heart doing flips in his chest.

He’s already way too deep in for someone who doesn’t even know if he ( _Michael Jones_ ) is _the one_ but he doesn’t care.

The 12% of him that still insists he’s into girls can go to hell.)


End file.
